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A Simple Tool for a More Meaningful Relationship
We lead more meaningful lives when we think through our needs, values and purpose in this world and let those things guide our actions and decisions. The same is true for romantic relationships. Psychologist Susan Orenstein, Ph.D, helps her clients craft mission statements to become more intentional about their relationships.
She defines a mission statement as a “declaration created and agreed upon by the couple that guides their principles, goals and values.” This declaration is motivating and inspiring. It answers these questions: “What makes you a couple?” and “What do you stand for as you stand together?”
When couples create mission statements, they “explicitly share their expectations and desires with each other,” Orenstein said. They’re able to confide in each other and to build trust and open communication, she said. This is key because “when [couples] don’t directly communicate what they want and don’t want, they’ll act it out in a way that can be very confusing.”
Orenstein first heard of the concept of a couples’ mission statement from Stan Tatkin, Psy.D, the creator of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy ® (PACT). The idea ties back to Stephen Covey, who encouraged people to create personal mission statements for their lives.
Creating a mission statement for your relationship can be powerful. “The process of discussing [the statement] is therapeutic in and of itself,” said Orenstein , a relationship expert in Cary, N.C. It helps couples “create a greater sense of purpose that will give them meaning and build a future together.”
Orenstein shared these examples of mission statements.
We agree to always love and cherish each other and recognize how fortunate we both are; each of us consider ourselves the ‘lucky one.’ We build a healthy lifestyle together, where we support each other in getting exercise, eating well, having fun, resting and relaxing. We make all important decisions together, as a team. We don’t keep secrets from each other. We confide in each other and feel safe in each other’s care. We’re together to build a loving family and teach our children about healthy relationships. We create a sense of stability by having some routine but also make time for fun and spontaneity. We don’t intentionally hurt each other, but recognize we still do — and so we quickly and readily apologize. We take care of each other.
If you’d like to create a mission statement as a couple, Orenstein suggested these tips:
- Explore these questions together when creating your statement: “If you and your significant other were to write your vows for a committed relationship today, what would you include? What are the deal breakers? What matters most to you? What do you want to create together? What are your dreams, your goals, your values? What are the rules of engagement [in] handling conflict? What are your agreements? How do you care for each other? What makes your relationship special, worth protecting and worth nurturing?”
- Avoid statements that are too rigid or perfectionistic. Avoid statements that are based on obligation or shoulds. “That’s a setup for failure,” Orenstein said. She shared these examples of what not to write: “We’ll never argue” (which is “unrealistic and unhealthy”), “We’ll always remember special events like birthdays and anniversaries,” and “When I ask for sex, you should always say yes.”
- Don’t make your mission statement a master to-do list. That is, don’t create a “‘honey do’ list — listing a series of requirements [or] tasks for your partner,” Orenstein said. She shared these examples: “He’ll do laundry on Fridays,” and “she’ll plan the kids’ birthday parties.”
- Avoid broad statements, such as “We’ll be happy,” “We’ll have fun,” and “We’ll communicate.”
- You don’t have to create your whole statement in one sitting. Take your time in creating a mission statement that resonates with you.
- Review your mission statement periodically. “[A]s you grow in your relationship, you might decide to allow this document to evolve.”
Creating a mission statement as a couple reinforces your connection. Again, it’s a powerful way to explore your purpose and principles.
Couple dreaming photo available from Shutterstock
Last medically reviewed on May 14, 2015
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Three Simple Steps to Creating Your Couples Mission Statement Together
I’ve written about the idea of mission and mission statements many times in the past. I’ve spent thousands of hours working with companies to help define their mission and purpose, and I’ve also introduced the importance of developing a personal mission statement that guides you in life. Those clear, inspired mission statements, whether they’re being used at work or personally, are powerful. They help define our destinations and provide us with clear steps and guardrails to live by on our journeys.
If that’s true, and I believe that it is, wouldn’t it make sense that a mission statement would be just as valuable for you as a couple? As we’re building a relationship together and working toward common goals, is aligning our purpose important?
The answer, without question, is yes!
As couples, a clear mission statement that we’ve created together defines the kind of relationship we want to create and how we’ll live with one another.
Before we dive into this any deeper, let me say this. I’m far from being any kind of marriage expert or guru. Instead, I’m a guy who has been divorced, remarried, and is working every day to figure out my own marriage – hustling and looking for ways to make my relationship to Cristina stronger. Some days this is easy, and I feel like I know exactly what I need to do to be a strong husband, teammate, and best friend. Other days, especially in a blended family, things are a whole lot more challenging. Just like you, I’m a work in progress. That’s why this exercise was so important to me.
After all that work with companies to help them define their missions, as well as sharing my tools for developing your personal mission statement, I finally decided to take this one step further. My friends had shared success stories with me about using my goal setting tools with their spouses, and I realized that mission statements would also be valuable to couples. With that in mind, I reworked my Personal Mission Statement Tool and created a version just for couples.
Cristina and I sat down recently and took this new tool for a test drive, and the results were amazing. We got on the same page, aligned our purpose, and created a mission statement that we can use as a compass for our relationship. Best of all, we dove into some deep conversations about what we each need from our marriage and how we want to show up for each other, our family, and the world we live in.
This statement became something we can look at in the morning to set the tone for our marriage and how we will show up. Then, at the end of our day, it’s something we can use to measure our progress and stay aligned with one another. Will this statement eliminate challenges and disagreements? Not a chance. Will it help us stay aligned and get us back on track more quickly when we do encounter those struggles? Absolutely.
With that in mind, I want to share this tool with you, and walk you through how Cristina and I used it.
Start by defining your core values…
With a printed version of this tool in hand, and a fire going in the background, Cristina and I started creating our mission statement by defining our core values. To get there, the tool asked us to share 15-20 words with one another that capture our values – the things that matter to us and that we stand for. She shared some of hers, and I shared some of mine. It was an opening to great conversations about what really matters to each of us. We shared what we want from each other in our relationship, the values we each hold true, and words that describe how we want the world to see us. You can download my Mission Statement for Couples tool here to get started.
The next step in our process was to refine our list down to the four or five values that are the most important to us. In our conversations, we included words like fun, adventure, and a hyphenated word “trying-new-things” – yes, you can break the rules here a bit! “Adventure” was the word we ended up adding to our final five core values since it captured fun and trying-new-things as well. Narrowing down your own list by looking for these same similarities, you’ll unlock your own core values.
Next, let’s talk about our purpose…
Once we landed on our core values, it was time to dive deeper into our purpose as a couple. To help us uncover our purpose together, we used the five questions below as conversation starters. Each question opened us up to sharing our thoughts, dreams, and the things that fill us up. Here’s something important to note. We didn’t agree on every answer. We did find common ground in our answers, and that was what lit us up during this experience. It was exciting to hear Cristina share something and know I was thinking the same thing. My Mission Statement for Couples tool will do the same for you. Ready, set, go!
- What do we see as our purpose?
- What do we want to be remembered by?
- What are we passionate about?
- What makes us feel the most fulfilled?
- What do we believe in?
Finally, let’s build our mission statement.
With your core values and the answers to those five questions in mind, it’s time to distill this all down and define your mission as a couple.
Your couple’s mission statement consists of 3 parts:
- What do we want to accomplish?
- Who are we doing it for?
- How will we make their lives (and ours) better?
Capturing this in one or two sentences is the goal. Remember, your couple’s mission statement may not be perfect when you first write it down together – that’s ok! This mission statement is meant to evolve as your relationship changes and life shifts. The goal is to create a statement that you can use as a compass for your life together, something that will grow with you and guide you.
Here’s an example Cristina and I created: Our purpose is to reflect God by the way we love each other, our family, and those in our circles, to help one other become the best versions of ourselves, and to live as partners chasing new adventures together. We’re committed to forgiving quickly, communicating openly, and loving unconditionally.
Your couple’s mission statement will be an excellent tool for measuring if all of the “busy” things in your life are aligned with who you are as a team and who you want to become. It will provide you with a new level of clarity for saying “yes” and “no” to things and prioritizing what matters most amid all the distractions. Best of all, it’s something you created together that represents who you want to be as a couple.
Have you invested the time to create your mission statement as a couple? If not, my challenge for you is to create yours now. Set aside some time together, eliminate the distractions, and ask yourself the questions above using the Mission Statement for Couples tool. Enjoy the process and have fun defining your purpose together! – John
Life is a journey, not a destination, and so are our relationships. Subscribe here for more insights and tools to help you make your own journey amazing.
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If you liked this, you’ll also get massive value out of the Grit Meets Growth podcast that I share with Chris Cathers. It’s for people who want more out of life… at work, at home, in their relationships, and in their health and wellness. Find it here or on your favorite podcast platform!
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How To Write A Personal Mission Statement (And 28 Mission Statement Examples)
Do you have a personal mission statement ?
If not, you should.
Early in my career, I was inspired to create one when I worked in public relations for the JCPenney Company.
James Cash Penney, the founder of the once giant retailer, based his business philosophy on one simple personal mission statement: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you” — the Golden Rule.
In fact, his first store was called The Golden Rule.
This mission statement permeated every aspect of how Mr. Penney ran his business.
He asked for a “fair remuneration and not all the profits the traffic will bear,” and was the first to call employees “associates,” and he treated them like family.
During the stock market crash in the 1920’s, Mr. Penney lost his personal fortune and took a loan against his life insurance in order to pay the associates’ salaries.
What Is a Personal Mission Statement?
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One of my favorite quotes from Mr. Penney is this:
“Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I’ll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals, and I’ll give you a stock clerk.”
Mr. Penney understood the value of having goals that reflect your mission and how they can change the course of your life.
His goals for himself and his company were grounded in his personal mission statement of the Golden Rule.
Knowing his mission statement, it was much easier to build his business and remain focused.
Businesses create mission statements to provide purpose and direction for the organization.
But it’s as vital for individuals to have a personal mission and a vision for themselves as it is for any business.
A personal mission statement is:
- A tool for making difficult decisions.
- A framework for how you want to live your life and express your life mission.
- A beacon to those around you about the kind of person you are.
- A declaration that motivates and inspires you to stay the course.
- A statement of your values and life priorities.
Creating a personal mission statement forces clarity, helps you define a plan of action, and serves as the foundation for your life goals.
It also helps you identify the underlying reasons for your choices and behaviors and what truly motivates you to make positive change.
As the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , Stephen Covey, says your mission statement is about “defining the personal, moral and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself.”
Writing down your missions statement on paper makes it real.
Your personal mission statement becomes your own personalized constitution — the basis for life-directing decisions, as well as making daily choices that impact you and those around you.
We put together a mission statement template (pdf) for you to download and print.
Use the personal mission statement template to write your own clear and concise personal vision for yourself .
Click here to download the template now.
How To Write a Personal Mission Statement
Think of a person in history or in your life whom you admire.
What are the qualities of that person that you would like to emulate?
These qualities can relate to their character , values, achievements, personality , or simply the way they live their lives.
Consider the specific reasons you admire the person and list those qualities in detail.
Define the type of person you want to become, not just what you want to have or achieve.
This ideal should reflect your core values and your definition of living with integrity.
Consider all areas of your life, as a spouse, friend, employee, parent, etc. and who you want to be in each of those roles.
I find it helpful to write down the phrase, “As an ideal spouse (or friend, parent, etc.), I want to . . . .” Then fill in the end of the sentence with as many outcomes as you wish to become.
For example, you might write: As an ideal spouse, I want to:
- Express my love daily in words, affection, and action;
- Be supportive and attentive to my spouse’s needs;
- Work through conflict calmly and in the spirit of compromise;
- Be fully present and emotionally intimate.
This exercise may take some time, but it is well worth the effort beyond its usefulness for your mission statement.
It helps you clarify your personal operating system and reminds you of what you are capable of becoming.
Determine all of your life roles (career, family, community, etc.), and write down a short statement of how you would like to be described in each of those roles.
Think about how you would like the important people in your life to remember you and talk about you.
For example, you might want your boss to say, “He was a man of character and integrity who was a compassionate and inspiring leader and a visionary for our organization.”
This exercise may feel awkward, but no one else has to see it.
It is to help you decide how you want to step into each of the roles in your life and to clarify in concise words how you want others to perceive you.
Write down a personal mission statement for the four fundamental elements of who you are: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.
In each of these areas, what is the most important way you want to express yourself?
This may seem confusing, but it’s really simple. We tend to go about our lives without considering our goals for our essential being and how we want to direct that ambition.
So with this exercise, see yourself as CEO of each of these four areas. As CEO of your physical life, your purpose might be to treat your body as sacred by practicing fitness, healthy eating, daily affection, and pleasurable physical experiences.
Your plan for your mental life might be to become a life-long learner by expanding your skills, problem-solving, and challenging yourself.
What are the talents and skills you possess that are most important to you and that you actually enjoy?
Part of your personal mission statement should reflect your best aptitudes and strengths, these are what create joy and energy in our lives.
When we spend our time on what we do well and enjoy, our lives not only have meaning but also it has vibrancy.
Make a list of all of your personal and professional talents, aptitudes, and skills — even those you may take for granted, like being a good friend or having the ability to organize well.
Then circle the skills you enjoy or find fulfilling. Focus on these.
Based on everything you outlined above, what are some related goals you want to achieve in your life? Goals are specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time-bound.
As you look at the people who inspired you, the ideal self you’ve defined, the legacy you want to leave, the aspirations you have for the elements of your life, and the aptitudes you want to enjoy, what are the outcomes you want to achieve for your life?
You might want to create goals for various areas of your life — from your relationships to your hobbies.
Taking into account steps 1-6, begin to write a personal mission statement.
Keep it simple, clear and relatively brief — from a few sentences to a couple of paragraphs.
You can write it as a statement that flows or with bullet points. How you craft it is less important than what you want to express.
The point is you want a statement that will guide you in your day to day actions and decisions, as well as your long-term goals. Try to keep your words positive and affirmative . Focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want.
Creating a mission statement is not something you do in a day. It does require introspection, self-analysis, clarity of mind, and often several drafts before you produce it in a final form.
It might take several weeks or even months before you feel really comfortable with your life mission statement. Feeling like your personal mission statement is complete and a concise expression of your innermost values and directions may take a few iterations.
Once you complete it, put it where you can review it daily so it motivates you to honor it in all of your actions and decisions.
You might need to revise it every few years as your life priorities change.
Personal Mission Statement Examples
Here are some personal mission statement examples from around the web. (Sources: www.d.umn.edu , missionstatements.com , and msb.franklincovey.com )
My mission is to act as an instrument of positive change in my family, my work and my community. I will utilize all of the talents that God has given me and will participate in all aspects of my life with energy, purpose and gratitude. I will utilize my talents in strategy and administration to ensure that my home is loving and calm, my workplace is productive and positive and my community is responsive and growing. Through this focus I will give more than I take and will provide a positive role model for my children.
My mission in life is to have my own family. I need to remember that what I do now in my life will affect them. Because of this, I try my best to do the right things that will benefit my future. I would someday like to have a large farm with horses where I can help handicapped children. I’d like to work with animals, perhaps even be a veterinarian. Most of all, I want to have time for my family. So today, I will study hard and stay away from things that may hinder my dream from happening .
To find happiness, fulfillment, and value in living, I will seek out and experience all of the pleasures and joys that life has to offer. My core values are not limitations restraining me on this hedonistic quest for fun. Rather, they provide a framework for identifying, pursuing, and achieving those pleasures that last the longest and are the most satisfying. The greatest joy of all is being worthy of the respect and admiration of family, friends, and business associates.
To remember where I have been and where I will go through maintaining positive relationships with family and friends. To choose the ethical way by making a personal commitment to honesty and integrity. To find peacefulness within myself by looking inward while using my heart to guide my dreams and desires, and my mind to pursue knowledge, creating balance among all of my obligations. To content myself in my surroundings so I will always know where security lies within my life. To build a reputation of being dedicated to every goal I choose to pursue while having successes in both my personal and professional life. To enjoy every moment along this journey finding laughter, love, and happiness with each day that passes.
To be humble. To say thanks to God in some way, every day. To never react to abuse by passing it on. To find the self within that does and can look at all sides without loss. I believe in treating all people with kindness and respect. I believe by knowing what I value, I truly know what I want. To be driven by values and beliefs. I want to experience life’s passions with the newness of a child’s love, the sweetness and joy of young love, and the respect and reverence of mature love. Finally, to go through life with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.
Here are some additional mission statement examples we’ve crafted for you:
My mission is to live a life without resentment. I will use my mind and all my talents and skills to keep my life focused on gratitude, love, and forgiveness — to live my best life and to help others do the same. I have no room in my life for negative self-talk, grudges, or for pointless regret. Every morning, my goal is to take another step forward, keeping my mind and heart trained on the present and on the words, “Thank you,” I want everyone in my life to know exactly how they’ve made it better.
My mission in life is to exercise my freedom to think as I choose to think. I choose to see the good in every person and every situation, however painful. No one makes me think or feel anything; I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings, and I choose to remain free, no matter what happens to me. I choose gratitude over resentment and compassion over criticism. I choose hope over despair. I choose to make my life count for something far greater than the space and time it occupies.
My mission in life is to bring joy to others, whether by word or action. I’ll do whatever it takes to make my place in the world better for those I share it with. My life will continue a chain reaction that someone else started and that somehow (for some reason) reached me. I won’t be where it stops, and I’ll show others how to keep it going. From me, the chain reaction will reach even more people, who will make it their mission to bring joy and compassion to as many souls as possible.
Here are some examples of short mission statements from famous people and organizations.
9. “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” — Maya Angelou
10. “To be a teacher. And to be known for inspiring my students to be more than they thought they could be.” — Oprah Winfrey, Founder of OWN: the Oprah Winfrey Network
11. “I want to serve the people. And I want every girl, every child to be educated.” — Malala Yousafzai, Nobel Prize laureate and activist
12. “Improve lives. The concept of improving lives runs through the center of everything I do.” — Wil Smith, actor
13. “To use my gifts of intelligence, charisma, and serial optimism to cultivate the self-worth and net-worth of women around the world.” — Amanda Steinberg, Dailyworth.com
14. “Our mission is to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful.” — Google
15. “Build the best product. Cause no unnecessary harm. Use business to inspire and implement solutions to the environmental crisis.” — Patagonia
16. “To accelerate the world’s transition to sustainable energy.” — Tesla
17. “Help people perform better, think faster, and live better.” — Bulletproof
18. “Be the world’s favorite destination for discovering great value and unique selection.” — eBay
Here are some additional short mission statement examples we’ve created:
19. To create music that helps people struggling with mental illness to feel calm, loved, and in control. I will use my talent and skills to create medicine people can hear and feel.
20. To write books that help others struggling with the same challenges to know they’re not alone and to know what actions to take to change their lives for the better.
21. To open a shop that encourages every patron to bring more magic into their lives and to share it with others, with thoughtful and spirit-loving gift ideas.
22. To work as an inspired chef and to prepare meals that help the people in my community explore new flavors, new cultural recipes, and new perspectives.
23. To plant as many new, healthy trees as I can with the time I have and to inspire everyone to be responsible and loving stewards of the earth’s resources.
24. To create a place where unwanted cats and dogs will be loved and cared for and where they can bring love to patrons who come in for a soothing drink or comfort food.
25. To create a social media platform that runs on gratitude and compassion — with no room for negative attitudes , narrow mindedness, and self-centered criticism.
26. To be a therapist who makes my clients feel safe and strong enough to say anything, to dig deeper into their own thinking, and to love themselves just as they are.
27. To be a parent who helps my children love themselves, ask for help when they need it, and know what actions and words will help them reach their goals.
28. To build a legacy that will benefit my children, grandchildren, and beyond and give each of them something good to build on when creating their own.
Personal Mission Statement Generators
If you’re a fan of online quizzes, you might enjoy using a personal mission statement generator. Answer key questions and the generator uses them to create a clear and cohesive statement that reflects your highest values and goals.
It’s similar to a mission statement template but is automated and available as either an internet-based tool (or mobile app) or a software download.
Templates can be overwhelming because you see all the fields you need to fill out. And the thought of then gathering up your answers and distilling them into a powerful sentence or two is daunting enough without considering the time it’ll take to fill in all the blanks.
A mission statement generator uses a gentler, more interactive approach to engage the user and get them through all the questions as painlessly as possible.
- The FranklinCovey Mission Statement Builder can help you create the following types — personal, family, team, and values-focused — with its free online tool.
- LifeCoachesToolbox.com has a Mission Statement & Elevator Speech Generator to help you establish your brand identity and clarify your goals. Choose between the free online version (with ads) or the ad-free download for $39.
More Related Articles:
Positive Affirmations: 101 Life-Changing Thoughts To Practice Daily
9 Keystone Habits To Get Big Results
List Of 100 Life Goals To Achieve Before You Die
I hope this article motivates you to get started on your own mission statement.
Crafting this essential document can truly change your life, as it gives you self-defined boundaries and goals that set you on a course for success as you see it to be.
A personal mission statement is something everyone needs but only a few take the time to create — mostly because they don’t know how.
Please take a moment to share this post on your preferred social media platform with family and friends who will definitely benefit from this information.
Your good deed can impact thousands of people around the world!
5 thoughts on “How To Write A Personal Mission Statement (And 28 Mission Statement Examples)”
How do I get a copy of Eight Steps to creating You Mission Statement?
Hello Barrie I wonder if you could help me. My daughter is a qaulified doctor, and the most gorgeous girl who has wonderful relationships with friends and family however since she met her boyfriend 4 years ago she has become a shadow of herself. Questioning who she is and deciding that she is the problem in their relationship and she is constantly changing to suit him however it doesn;t seem to be getting any better. She blames her past, not having a significant male figure in her life ; The problem is that her boyfriend is pushing her buttons and making her believe that he loves her and is reasonable and she is ending up the wreck. any advice on what I can do to help her. She says that he cried the other day and said he cant take her outbursts any longer. She got angry cause he stayed out all night and returned home in the morning. his excuse was that he didnt want to disturb her. Please help
Hi Deirdre, I’m so sorry your daughter is in such a difficult relationship. I know you are suffering for her as well. The problem isn’t her past, it’s her current decision to stay with someone who is emotionally abusive. You might suggest she read this post: https://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse She also needs to meet with a counselor to discuss why she is staying in this relationship when it isn’t happy or healthy and how she can get strong again.
This is such a neat idea, and so very helpful. The one that truly got my attention is Consider Your Legacy. That really helps to re-frame our life’s picture, no? Thank you for this!
This is very helpful. Thank you for sharing.
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Change Your Mind Change Your Life
Nov 17, 2021
Four Questions to Create A Relationship Vision Statement
Simple, direct, and focused conversations help couples find their motto together..
Creating a relationship vision statement is an important early step in planning for your future together. Every relationship experiences ups and downs. When you can connect through experiences you can build a healthier bond.
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Pamela J. Nikodem, MSED
❤ Positive-focused Motivational Speaker❤ Writer ❤ Domestic Violence Educator @ www.advancedbehavioralchanges.org ❤ Catch the Spark❤ Counselor ❤ Relationships ❤
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25 Jan How to Create a Relationship Vision
We are excited to kick off the new year with updating our blog again. This month we have been focused on sharing resources on how you can grow together with your partner and we feel that having a relationship vision is extremely important.
We enter a partnership with our own pictures of what we expect it to be like based on our values, dreams, conditioning, experiences, and desires. Unless our partner has the same vision, we’re bound to run into difficulties. If you and your partner have been trying to bring your individual visions into reality, it can be a frustrating experience if neither of you knows the other’s dreams.
Creating a united Relationship Vision enables you and your partner to focus your energy on creating the outcomes you both want in your relationship. The Relationship Vision offers clear direction about what actions to take each step of the way. You will no longer have to wait for unspoken or unconscious dreams to show up in your home. With a map in hand, you and your partner will be less likely to get lost on your relationship journey.
Now here’s a Relationship Vision Exercise we would love for you to try:
Step 1: Co-Create a Relationship Vision
Using a blank piece of paper, each of you (separately) will write short sentences that describe your personal vision of the relationship you want. Write each sentence in the present tense, as if it were already happening. Examples: we have fun together, we are loving parents, we hug a lot, we respect each other, we rely on and trust each other. Write at least five or six vision statements. Let your imagination go wild. Once you have finished co-creating your mutual vision, read it out loud to each other taking turns with alternating lines and mirror back.
Step 2: Compare Lists
When all the items have been read and mirrored accurately, compare the two lists. Whenever you identify similar items, place a checkmark next to the items that you and your partner both listed. It doesn’t matter if you use different words as long as the general idea is the same. If your partner mentioned anything you agree with or do not object to but you did not think of yourself, add it to your list as you go. Each of you then places a check next to it.
If your partner has written items with which you do not agree, do not discuss them at this time. Draw a thick line below your items listed and write them on your list. Your differences are options for future dialogue and mutual growth.
Step 3: Merge the Two into One
When you have finished co-creating your mutual vision, read it out loud to each other – taking turns with alternating lines. Remember, this is a live document – so anything you want to add or subtract you can. It’s not carved in stone.
Read your relationship vision to each other once a week, and place this vision someplace in your home where it is visible!
Here’s an example of a relationship vision that Debbie and I have created together. We create one every year and include all aspect of our lives in it including work, health and family. Yours does not have to be as detailed but this will give you an idea on how to get started.
Debbie & Craig’s Relationship Vision- Janauary 2019
- We respect, rely on and trust each other
- We share our innermost thoughts and feelings
- We feel safe and secure with each other
- We look out for each other’s best interest
- We use Imago Dialogue to resolve our differences quickly and remain close by dialoguing
- We are open about talking and dialoguing about money, sex, and other sensitive topics
- We keep each other up to date on what is going on in our lives
- We give each other at least one formal appreciation each day
- We are patient with each other
- We appreciate, adore and love each other and tell each other at least once a day
- We are truthful to each other
- We laugh a lot and make each other smile
- We have fun together
- We have a beautiful, playful, erotic and satisfying sex life
- We always kiss and/or hug when we greet or say good-bye
- We respect each other’s needs for private time
- We support each other’s spirituality and growth and celebrate Shabbat
- We have a large loving network of friends and family who continue to support and love us and who we continue to support and love
- We respect, love and take care of each other’s children as our own
- We travel together at least 6 times a year
- We start a project that we work on together which adds to the quality of our relationship and betters the world and our families
- We make time for playing, working out, taking walks, going to movies, cooking together, shopping and going out to dinner
- We support each other’s physical well-being and health through good medical care, exercise, healthy food, and rest and relaxation
- We discuss all important decisions together and work towards agreement
- We support each others life and career goals
- We share with each other things we learn about our world
- We give each other caring behaviors daily like hugs and kisses, asking each other if we need anything, surprising each other with little gifts, etc.
- We review our vision statement every 6 months
- We deepen our relationship as the years go on
- We have each published our book and it is doing well on Amazon
- We have eliminated gluten and sugar from our diet
- We practice mindfulness throughout the day
- We are eating only organic grass-fed hormone free antibiotic free meat and organic vegetables and fruit
- We are at our desired weight
- We have a consistent weekly date on Sunday where we just have fun together
- We create next year’s vision together before January 1, 2020
- We are very clear and excited about our business
- We are constantly making improvements in our home that nurture both of us
We love sharing actionable steps you can take to grow in your relationship like this and we are excited when we have clients that follow our tips then report back to us later with how much their relationship has improved. If you are in the San Diego area or can make it down here in February, we are hosting a live event that will provide even more resources. Join us for The Mindful Couple: A Journey to Love and Connectedness . Our upcoming event is truly a unique opportunity for you to connect deeper with your partner while learning in a fun group setting. This event is for ALL Couples, both new and long-term couples who want to protect and strengthen their bond. It takes place on Saturday evening, February 9th and continues all day Sunday, February 10th, 2019. 1 ticket gets both you and your partner access to all events and activities associated with the workshop. CLICK HERE for details and to register.
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How to Write a Relationship Mission Statement
Last Updated: March 29, 2019
wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 9 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. This article has been viewed 14,061 times.
How will you find Mr. Wonderful, if you don't know what you're looking for? A well-written mission statement creates a destination point on your personal map. Without, you'll fast become a weary wanderer, walking hither and yon and not making real progress. Make a plan, set a destination and start off on your journey!
- Don't get discouraged. We love to hear stories about people who persisted and attained their long-cherished goals. While those make for great stories, it makes for hard living. Don't give up and don't be discouraged. ⧼thumbs_response⧽ Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
- Don't listen to the naysayers. People who've given up on their dreams are depressing to be around. Believe in the power of your dreams. Believe in the power of love. Einstein said that the most important question we all have to consider is, "Is the universe friendly?" Take a bold step and believe that it IS friendly and wants to help you achieve your dreams. ⧼thumbs_response⧽ Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
- Act boldly and mighty forces will come to your aid. Norman Vincent Peale said that and he was right. ⧼thumbs_response⧽ Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
- St. Augustine said, “The desire is thy prayers; and if thy desire is without ceasing, thy prayer will also be without ceasing. The continuance of your longing is the continuance of your prayer.” A mission statement is merely the written form of your heart's earnest desire. ⧼thumbs_response⧽ Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
- Lecturer Dan Jensen once said, "What appears to be one person or thing, supplying the need of another person or thing, is actually the reciprocal law of being, reflecting the wholeness of itself." Or as my friend's grandmother said, "There's a lid for every pot!" ⧼thumbs_response⧽ Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
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Dr. Kim Blackham
Intensive Marriage Counseling
Writing Your Marriage Mission Statement
by Dr. Kim Blackham
A couple of weeks ago my husband and I were running errands. I thought we were going to Kohls to make some returns, he thought we were going to Lowe’s. He was driving.
We are still new to this city, so we are still trying to find our way around town. I didn’t think he knew how to get to Kohls so I kept trying to give him directions, but he assured me he knew how to get there. It was obvious to me we were going the wrong direction, but I figured he either knew of a different Kohls or would eventually realize he was lost. When we pulled into the Lowe’s parking lot, he got out of the car like nothing was wrong. That was when I realized we were each headed to separate destinations.
Mission statements help you determine together what your final destination will be. It helps you both get on the same page and determine what you want out of your relationship and life together. Stephen Covey, the author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families , explained that even with a mission statement, “Good families–even great families–are off track 90 percent of the time.” What makes them good families is that they have a clear destination–so they know how to get back on track.
Writing a marriage mission statement does not have to be overwhelming. I have outlined 12 steps that will help you from start to finish!
1. Set aside a special time for both of you to work on this together
Make it a special occasion. You may want to do this over a vacation week or special getaway. Even a weekend home with no distractions will work well. Just make it deliberate and intentional.
2. Ask questions and discuss what your family is all about.
Make sure both partners get an equal say. Listen carefully and seek to understand each other’s perspective. Write down the things you discuss.
3. Envision yourself at the end of your life
Who do you want to be? What do you want said at your funeral? What marriage legacy do you want to leave?
4. Identify your core values, hopes, dreams, and ideals.
What matters most to you? What kind of spouse do you want to be? How do you want to resolve conflict? How do you want to treat each other? How do you want your partner to feel because of you? What traditions do you want as part of your family? What do you want your children to learn about relationships by watching you?
5. Think of phrases that capture what your family is about.
- To . . . (do something)
- In such a way that (how and in which manner)
- So that . . . (we gain these results or benefits)
6. Decide on 10 or fewer BIG ideas
You can’t have 50 things that matter most. Choose the most crucial elements that represent the core of what you value and who you want to become.
7. Write out your mission statement
You are going for concise here. 5-10 sentences.
8. Hang it in a prominent place in your home
So many people write out their mission statement and then tuck it in a drawer and forget about it. Put yours in a prominent place in your home that you will see it often.
9. Refer to it daily and USE IT
Your marriage mission statement should impact your actions on a daily basis. These aren’t just good ideas to hang on the wall. These are core values and principles that you want to guide your life. Use it!!
10. Rewrite when necessary
Life circumstances change. You get older and wiser. You learn from your mistakes and boil out the fluff to what matters most. It’s okay for your marriage mission statement to change if necessary. When we did this many years ago, I was so worried about getting it absolutely perfect that it was a “work in progress” for years. Finally, I had to accept that it was okay to change it later if we wanted to and use what we had in the meantime.
11. Develop short-term goals based on your mission statement.
Use “how” questions to help guide you. How are we going to spend more time together? How are we going to feel close and connected?
12. Memorize it
This is the reason you want it concise. Memorizing your mission statement makes a huge difference! Those words will come back to your mind in moments when you need them most.
How would having a marriage mission statement impact your relationship?
About Dr. Kim Blackham
Dr. Kim Blackham is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and Supervisor. She has extensive training in Sex Therapy and Sexual Addiction Therapy and is a frequent contributor to both online and print media. As the wife of a surgeon, she is passionate about and uniquely qualified to help couples in medical marriages. For more information about working with Dr. Blackham, please read about her exclusive intensive marriage therapy retreats.
COUPLES' THERAPY RETREATS 1 West Broad Street 11th Floor #24 Bethlehem, PA 18018 Contact Me
The International Centre For Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy ( ICEEFT )
The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists ( AAMFT )
The Pennsylvania Association of Marriage and Family Therapy ( PAMFT )
PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT FOR MARRIAGE
The Mission Statement for Our Marriage:
We believe God has called us to live a life of love in our marriage in a pro-active, CHRIST-LIKE manner. We regard our GOD and each other as more important than ourselves. Further, we believe God has called us to be “MARRIAGE MISSIONARIES” to live, learn and lead others to live in healthy Covenantal Relationship with Christ and with each other.
Our Basic Core Values :
We acknowledge the importance of living what we believe. In covenant with God and with each other we vow to “CHOOSE EACH OTHER” everyday in small and large ways. We pledge to:
• Honor God above all by submitting to the authority of His Word in all things. This is to be done even at the sacrifice of our own desires.
• Be imitators of God —living a life of sacrificial love just as Christ loved and gave Himself up for us.
• Love, honor, and cherish each other as “unto the Lord” in word and deed. This we vow to do until we’re parted by death. We will protect each other’s feelings both at home and in public.
• Keep the lines of communication open so we grow together in our relationship in “ an understanding way. ” We’ll speak regularly about those things that are important to us and will not allow life to slide us apart physically, spiritually, or emotionally.
• Strive to keep short accounts when angry. We will work to identify the underlying cause of our anger when it occurs, and deal with it so we don’t give the enemy of our faith a foothold into dividing us against each other.
• Forgive one another. When we cross a line into unhealthy anger, we will seek the other’s forgiveness for the hurt we’ve caused. We will forgive each other as Christ has forgiven us.
We Pledge to Follow God’s Word to:
• Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ GOD forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
• Continually provide each other with words of encouragement combined with affectionate touch —knowing this is necessary for the health of our relationship. (This goes with Hebrews 10:24-25.)
• L et not any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29-30)
• Prayerfully and emotionally support the character growth of our spouse. We will work to build each other up spiritually and emotionally. This includes supporting one another by our actions. We commit ourselves to pray with one another, and for one another. (This goes with 1 Thessalonians 5:11 and James 5:16.)
• Rejoice with and cry with each other —sharing in each other’s joys, and heartaches. We will be sympathetically supportive of each other when one of us is hurting. (This goes with Romans 12:15-16.)
• Work to maintain protective hedges against sexual temptations and every sin that can so easily build itself up against Christ and against each other. When one of us has reason for concern, it’s to become a concern to the both of us. We will not allow anyone to tear apart what God has joined together. (This goes with Romans 12:1-2; Psalm 101:3; and Matthew 19:6.)
Additionally, We Pledge to:
• Put away immature game playing. We recognize that we’re called to maturity in our married lives and will seek to conduct ourselves accordingly. (This goes with the scripture: “ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I grew up, I put childish ways behind me. “ 1 Corinthians 13:11)
• Infuse humor into our lives together so we don’t lose sight of the joy of the Lord and the healing power that laughter can bring. We will always remember and live by God’s principle: “ A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. “ ( Proverbs 17:22)
• Reach out beyond our walls to be a spiritual help to others for Christ and will be supportive in each other’s efforts in this mission.
Above all, we pledge to:
“ Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ” (Ephesians 5:1-2)
Now, our personal mission statement is a bit longer, yet yours doesn’t have to be this complex.
Below is a link to a web site, where Kristen Welch explains and shows you what she and her family came up with, that helps them to be more intentional in how they lead their lives together. Here’s their take on putting together a mission statement:
• WHY EVERY FAMILY NEEDS A MISSIONS STATEMENT
And then here is a link to:
• CREATING A VISION STATEMENT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE
Cindy and Steve Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
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Tagged: mission in marriage
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2 responses to “ PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT FOR MARRIAGE ”
(USA) This has been a very informative website to view. My husband and I have a good marriage and certainly fight about how to make it great. The mission statements that I read on this page are going to be a great building block for my husband and I. I can’t wait to share it with him.
God bless you for this website as it has helped me. I am seeking God in every area of my life & marriage. I need him. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. This is my first time being married so I am seeking the Lord in all we do. We are working on our mission statement, Thank you for your help. God bless you.
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